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March 7th, 2007 (07:58 pm)

I want to explode and leave little pieces of myself all over this city. Like a party you were too drunk to remember but you wake up and the confetti is everywhere. I want out.. but i never want to leave. I want to die here but not alone. I'm going to wake up one morning and everything i have is going to turn to dust and be wiped away with a wet paper towel. My ovaries will wither and the muscles i use to smile will have no memory of ever having been asked to rise to the occasion. I hate feeling this way. I hate myself. I just need to hang on for 3 more months but i don't know if i can.